


Full Homo, Bro

by crossroadswrite



Series: Howls From Last Night [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Gay Chicken, Jock Derek Hale, Jock Stiles Stilinski, M/M, POV Stiles Stilinski, Pining Stiles Stilinski, UST, oblivious fucking nerds in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-12 06:26:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4468718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crossroadswrite/pseuds/crossroadswrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>(317): Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.</b><br/>.<br/>“How about gay chicken,” Danny suggests.</p>
<p>Stiles snaps his attention towards him and glares. He seriously has to pick better friends. Friends who don’t suggest he play gay chicken with his current, permanent and embarrassing crush.</p>
<p>Derek Hale, aforementioned crush, part time douchebag and owner of the best everything, scoffs, “Yeah right. Like Stilinski could handle that for a week.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Full Homo, Bro

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ang3lba3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ang3lba3/gifts).



“How about gay chicken,” Danny suggests.

Stiles snaps his attention towards him and _glares_. He seriously has to pick better friends. Friends who don’t suggest he play gay chicken with his current, permanent and embarrassing crush.

Derek Hale, aforementioned crush, part time douchebag and owner of the best _everything,_ scoffs, “Yeah right. Like Stilinski could handle that for a week.”

It’s so _stupid_. It’s just a stupid little bet that no one knows how to settle, so here they are. In the locker room, the basketball team backing Derek up and the lacrosse team more or less backing Stiles up.

“Are you sure of that, _Hale?_ Are you really really sure?”

Derek raises his impressive eyebrows, clearly unimpressed with Stiles.

God Stiles wants to punch him in the face. Gently. With his lips. Yeah, he just wants to kiss the stupid smirk out of his stupid face because this entire thing is fucking _stupid_ okay.

“So why don’t you take me up on it.”

“Maybe I will.”

“Fine.”

“ _Fine_.”

Stiles wonders when they got this close to each other. They’re roughly the same height even if Derek has more muscle mass than him, which seems to be working against Stiles because wow okay he’s just standing there looking directly into Derek’s pretty multicolored eyes, shot green and fierce with passion as he breathes roughly.

He smells like the woods and orange bubblegum.

Stiles blinks and huffs, taking a step back.

“Fine,” he repeats, “First one to break, their team will be responsible for the car wash in this year’s fundraiser then.”

They hate the car wash. Everyone hates the car wash. They have to actually _work_ and there’s always that middle aged mother who leers too keenly or the middle aged creeper standing at the edges sucking on a popsicle while he watches a bunch of underage boys wash cars and get all soppy wet.

«»

“Lydia, I fucked up,” Stiles flops into Lydia’s mattress dramatically and pouts at her.

Lydia doesn’t look particularly impressed with him.

“Did you do something illegal to Harris’ belongings and didn’t burn the evidence again, because let me tell you I am _not_ helping you wash goat blood off the pavement a second time.”

“ _One time!_ That was one time.”

Lydia sniffs and continues jolting down a complicated string of numbers, letters and symbols.

“What did you do this time?”

“I might’ve agreed to play gay chicken with Derek. To decide who gets to do the car wash this year. For a _week_.”

Lydia stops scribbling and smirks, “Good thing you carry around a backpack. You’re going to need it to hide your constant boner.”

She picks up her phone and starts texting.

“What- what are you doing. Lydia stop. Stop that. Who are you texting?”

Lydia hums and sets her phone down, “Everyone.”

Stiles throws a pillow at her, “I hate you. You are the worst best friend ever.”

«»

Stiles receives at least one message from each of his friends in various states of freaking out over what’s happening.

He’s only really concerned about Erica’s though.

_“Yeessss. Finally.”_  
_“I’m gonna get you both in the most uncomfortable sexual situations.”_  
_“This is going to be such fun.”_  
_“Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse it’s going to take this week.”_  
_“Buy a lot of lube for when you’re angstily jacking off.”_  
_“Chaffing is a bitch.”_

Stiles is mildly concerned for his safety, if he’s being completely honest.

«»

It starts innocently enough, easily enough.

Derek’s older scary sister drops him off, wiggles her eyebrows suggestively when Stiles catches her eyes and then laughs so loud and bright Stiles can almost hear it from where he’s standing at the school’s entryway, waiting for Scott

That’s his excuse. That’s his excuse every day to wait for Derek to get to school so he can start his morning the right way.

“Couldn’t wait to see me?” Derek teases, makes their shoulders brush as he passes by Stiles slow and purposeful, a smirk thrown over his shoulder.

“You know me so well, Hale,” he makes his voice drip with sarcasm, “can’t start my morning unless I see your tight ass walk by.”

Derek stumbles a step and Stiles grins, incredibly smug and pleased with himself.

Yes, good. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all if he can make Derek Hale stumble with a few choice words.

Scott arrives and Stiles winks exaggeratedly at Derek before he goes to meet his friend.

“What got you in such a good mood?”

“Derek Hale’s booty.”

“Oh. Yeah that always makes you feel happy.”

See, this is why he loves Scotty.

«»

And then Erica Reyes gets involved and things take a turn for the stiflingly sexual.

Stiles is calmly walking down the hallway with Erica.

That’s his first mistake.

And he very _casually_ is passing my Derek’s locker, where, you know, Derek is hanging out with his scary friend Boyd.

That’s his second mistake.

He wouldn’t think Erica would ever resort so low and be so ungraceful in her attempts to get them in sexual situations, but it seems like that’s exactly what she’s going for when she unceremoniously pushes Stiles so hard, he trips over his own feet and falls face first on Derek’s chest.

Derek, because he has stupidly quick reflexes of a probably werewolf – Stiles isn’t even being dramatic, something shady is going on with the Hales, that’s all he’s saying – catches him neatly and tugs him back on his feet, which might not be the smartest thing he’s ever done since now Stiles has his entire front pressed against him and wow that’s a solid chest right there.

Stiles is going to step back. He really is, but then Erica shouts, “Gay chicken bitches!”

It’s the rules of gay chicken (does it even have rules, really?) that the first one to step back automatically loses.

And Stiles Stilinski is not a loser!

He’s just not a winner either.

He’s, like, a referee. Yeah. He’s Switzerland!

He’s also pressed against a possible werewolf.

Jesus Christ, he’s goddamn Bella Swan isn’t he.

“Well,” Derek says and they’re so close Stiles can hear him swallowing.

“This is cozy,” Stiles mutters, nodding his head. It makes their noses bump and he’s pretty sure he just Eskimo kissed Derek Hale.

He diverts his eyes and catches the flushed look of Derek’s ears and neck because he’s an idiot who can’t just blush like a normal personal.

Stiles wants to tell him how dumb his blushing looks, and how cute his bunny teeth are. Yeah. Possibly over burgers and milkshakes. Preceding a movie.

A date, he wants to date the shit out of him that’s what is going on here.

Stiles shifts on his feet and boy is he filled with terrible ideas today because that maybe makes certain areas slide in a really pleasant manner against Derek. He basically just grinded up all over Derek’s stuff.

He wonders if he’ll get punched in the face for it.

Derek hisses and his hands fall on Stiles’ hips to make him stay still.

“Stop that?”

“I’m-“ he swallows, “I’m not doing anything.”

“Yes you are. You know exactly what you’re doing, fucklamp.”

“Fucklamp?” Stiles blinks at him and starts giggling.

“Stop that!”

“Really, Hale. That’s what you’re going with? There’re so much better swearwords and you go with _fucklamp_.”

“Oh yeah, and you could do better? What would you use, oh please impart us with your wisdom.”

“Well, there’s asshole. I like asshole.”

Derek’s mouth drops open and wow. Wow, okay, Stiles Stilinski might be a winner after all.

“There’s good old _dick_.”

“Okay I get it.”

“And you know, there’s the general swearwords but you know what-“

“I don’t want to know what.”

“Maybe you should back off then. Save us all a week of trouble, I mean.”

Derek huffs and were his canines always that sharp.

Stiles totally called werewolf. He wants everyone ever to know that he called it.

“I’m not washing cars.”

Stiles hums.

“Stop _that_!”

“I’m not doing anything,” he defends, then smirks, “ _fuck_ er.”

Derek makes a sound that resembles a growl and Stiles feels the sense of falling for a second before he feels the lockers digging into his back and finds himself propped against them by Derek’s hips and wow, okay. Hello Mr. Boner.

Him and Derek could totally be boner buddies. That sounds like fun, right.

“ _Ohmygod_ , shut up!” Derek hisses and then he kisses him hard and clumsy and rushed like Stiles never thought he would because _come on_ it’s Derek freaking Hale.

But that’s not what’s important right now, what’s important is that _he’s kissing Derek Hale_. On the mouth. With his lips!

He might fist pump behind Derek’s back just before getting his hands in his hair. You know, for science. He’s always been curious what Derek’s hair would feel like.

Very nice and soft. That’s the answer.

Stiles pulls back and smirks, “You know this means you lose, you know?”

Derek rolls his hips and Stiles might moan. _Might_.

If the catcalls he hears are anything to go by, he definitely does.

“Do I?” Derek smirks right back, quirking a taunting eyebrow.

“ _Fucker_ ,” Stiles grumbles and goes right back to kissing him, this time with more precision, making sure their lips lock and slide just the right way.

He pulls back, “We should go on a date.”

“Okay.”

Stiles blinks, “Just like that? Okay?”

“Yeah okay.”

Stiles grins, “Okay, then.”

“Stilinski! Hale! What in the name of fuck do you think you’re doing?!”

Coach yells at them from down the hall.

“Both of you! Detention after school. The school hallway isn’t a porno set for fuck’s sake.”

Derek hastily drops him down and takes a step back, eyes wide and a little guilty.

“Sorry coach!” Stiles yells back.

Coach grumbles something about needing a drink and slams his way back into his office.

“Is he allowed to swear,” Derek asks, frowning after him.

“I don’t think the administration cares about his swearing as long as he doesn’t forget his pants at home again.”

They both shudder.

“You didn’t even last a day,” Erica calls out, pouting, “This is the exact equivalent of premature ejaculation, why do you have to ruin my fun?”

Stiles chokes on his spit and grabs Derek’s hand, tugging him away and walking fast. He’s not running away. He’s strategically retreating.

“Are we running away from Erica?” Derek asks.

“No, we’re going to make out in the back of the library.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Okay!”

This might be one of his best decisions after all.

**Author's Note:**

> [taking prompts for these on tumblr!](http://crossroadswrite.tumblr.com)
> 
> **EDIT:** [This song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVlpy5USN-E) was brought to my attention and I'd like for all of you to think about this playing through the school speakers as Derek and Stiles and their respective teams do a car wash while booty shaking, Stiles decked in booty shorts and Derek in a soapy tank top. Thanks for your attention, back to your usual schedule.


End file.
